man in black jacket standing on the seashore


Recently, I have been feeling lonely, and asked myself “Why Do I Feel Alone?” At the start of my healing journey, I was so overwhelmed with the pain triggered by bad experiences that I didn’t realise I wasn’t addressing my feelings of loneliness. Since learning just how important self-reflection is for mental wellness, I know I need to help myself understand where this feeling is coming from.

What Is Loneliness?

When someone is alone, they may not feel lonely. When someone feels lonely, they may not be alone.

Loneliness is the emotional or mental discomfort of feeling isolated or disconnected despite longing for connection. If you do have connections but they’re not fulfilling, you can also feel lonely.

Have you asked yourself “Why Do I Feel Alone?”

Feeling lonely at times is completely normal. We are innately social souls, and desiring connection is a basic human need. Whether it’s social, emotional, or another kind of connection you long for, without it, loneliness can trigger the same distress signals as hunger or physical pain.

There are many reasons one may feel lonely, and it can change from person to person. Some can experience loneliness from a change in life circumstances, such as living alone, losing a loved one, life transitions, etc. But like with all of my posts, I try to connect the dots about how our past can affect our present.

The effects of trauma are obvious. Enduring trauma or severe stress, whether as an adult, an adolescent, or a child, can significantly impact our ability to develop:

  • a solid sense of self
  • healthy attachment styles
  • real intimacy
  • healthy self-worth
  • a genuine connection to the world around us

All of which can cause loneliness

The World Can’t Ease Your Loneliness…

Since taking time to reflect inwardly, I can see how my want for a loving, lasting relationship has triggered deeper wounds to come out of the woodwork. Throughout my life, I never truly had self-love or internal happiness. I believed that I could only feel “happy” when I was pleasing others, and in turn, they were providing me with validation, approval, and, what I thought was, connection.

I had essentially given the key to my happiness to anyone other than me. With this conditioning, it is almost impossible to feel inner peace, regardless of who you do or don’t have in your life. You end up constantly on high alert, anxiously waiting for if and when the connection will be taken away from you.

Looking back, I don’t think I was ever truly happy alone because I had learned that that feeling was to be given to me, as a reward. I was like a deprived pup, begging for a treat only to go back to feeling starved and empty. This unhealthy way of perceiving love caused me to not only see connections as unsafe and unpredictable, but that I wasn’t worthy of them in the first place. I started to feel lonely even around people who cared for me. I just couldn’t trust it or believe it, and so, couldn’t feel it. Whether I was conscious of it or not, this caused me to push away true intimacy. I felt like an island, disconnected from the joy of the world around me.

Only You Can

The harsh truth is that the world can’t ease your loneliness; only you can. That’s why when dissecting the question, “Why do I feel alone?” I stress the I. Like everything I address here and on my Instagram, it is our responsibility and no one else’s to heal ourselves and change our lives.

But this is a great thing! This means that no one can take it away from you. It is yours and yours to keep, and that’s where it belongs.

What Can Ease this lonely feeling?

Mind You Language, To Yourself, When You Ask “Why Do I Feel Alone?”

I can’t stress enough how key self-compassion and non-judgmental self-talk are to not only easing feelings of loneliness but to your overall mental wellness.

Be Mindful, Not Mindless

Learning how to control emotions in your body can prevent them from aimlessly swarming through you. It can help to acknowledge them, label them, sit with them, and slowly breathe as they pass through. Remember, they always do. You can always check out my Tools to Improve Mental Health page for more tips.

Find Ways To Connect To The World. – You Learn That More Than You Think Have Wondered “Why Do I Feel Alone?”

Whether it’s meeting new friends or reconnecting with old ones, learn to open up and share your feelings. They may have felt the same at some point, and this can help remind you that you’re not as alone as you thought.

Follow Your Passion

Since I started this blog, I have embraced my strengths and my weaknesses. This has helped me see that I have more to give, not just to myself but to the world. Find something that adds meaning to your life. It can help you feel more purposeful and engaged, which can ease feelings of loneliness.

It Will Pass

Remind yourself of the future you, you want to be. Use that hope and vision to push past this feeling of loneliness.


Have you felt lonely at some point ? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form!


looking for a friend bear. 

"why do I feel alone?" may be caused by not being a friend to yourself

Rating: 5 out of 5.

For more ideas to help with loneliness check out 13 Ways to Not Feel Lonely, Even If You’re Alone (healthline.com)