You may have heard of PTSD, but did you know it has a sibling? CPTSD (also known as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
I had no idea another form of PTSD existed. I just got my standard diagnosis of BPD and assumed that was what I needed to “manage.” Little did I know it was possible they could have been mistaken. I didn’t even question that there could be something more complex going on.
Now, I am not able to discuss all aspects of CPTSD to the extent I feel it deserves in one single post. So I will come back to this topic in the future. Trust me!
What is CPTSD?
It’s PTSD, but it’s also not. CPTSD is commonly a result of repeated trauma that was ongoing and is often caused by a person or people during the more critical years of our development.
Whereas PTSD is commonly the result of a singular traumatic event (just to note, there are exceptions to this rule). Because of its complexities, it’s not only possible, but probable, that CPTSD is misdiagnosed with other conditions, such as BPD (as I believe I was). According to PSTD UK, “the two share many symptoms such as low self-worth, suicidal thinking, and out-of-control emotional responses.”
Here’s the sting. People with CPTSD tend to struggle with three additional symptoms on top of experiencing similar symptoms to those with PTSD:
- Emotional dysregulation
- Damaged or little self-worth
- Struggles with interpersonal relationships
As Children, We Look To Those Close To Us For Reassurance And Safety.
The world tells us these are people we are supposed to trust unconditionally. Sadly for some of us, we have grown up in an environment that kept us on such high alert, that our image of love and safety warped into a distorted and disfigured shadow of it’s healthier self.
When the body experiences something traumatic, it no longer sees “mundane” daily functioning as a priority. The parasympathetic system, which is responsible for rest and digest takes a backseat, and the sympathetic system, which causes the fight or flight response, kicks into high gear.
Because of this, these events aren’t “remembered” the usual way. They often remain repressed and unprocessed. So when someone is triggered as an adult, the unprocessed memory is also triggered. The body doesn’t see this as a false alarm but as a real-life threat that could cause us harm.
The body is reacting the way it’s supposed to to a perceived threat, but it becomes damaging when that threat isn’t actually there anymore.
I knew this only too well. I spent my life never truly facing my past traumas (with the intent to heal from them). My fear of reliving this pain caused me to feel like the emotional equivalent of a burn victim. Each time I was triggered, I was left raw. Eventually, I became distrustful of everything, despite what my persona may have looked like.
What Is CPTSD Injuring?
More evidence is showing that prolonged or continuous trauma not only hurts us emotionally, but it physically injures the brain too. When your mind is in a constant state of panic, physiological levels (such as cortisol) are raised. If all that toxicity accumulates for too long, your body will suffer.
I remember when I was at my lowest point, my physical body showed it; screamed it, really. My face was severely breaking out, my hair was falling out, my nails were peeling, my eyes were dark and exhausted, and my weight was the lowest it had ever been.
When You Realise You Can’t Go On.
All of my mental and physical brokenness finally caved in on me. I could no longer carry on living life, always bracing myself for the next “minor” thing that would trigger me. It’s only by making the intention to climb out of the never-ending hole that I have been learning more about the complexities of the human mind, the real damage past dysfunctions and traumas have on the brain, and how to cope with inevitable ups and downs.
If You Find You’re Easily Triggered, Become Curious.
Perhaps you bark back when someone uses a particular tone or questions you. Or you can’t seem to smell a certain scent without painful flashbacks coming to mind. Maybe you react to certain situations that, in hindsight, you wonder why. Whatever triggers you, become curious. If safe situations or people trigger wounded thoughts or actions, take these as signs that something deeper may be going on for you.
My curiosity has caused me to see that so many of my unhealthy thoughts, emotions, and behaviours were coming from a place of the past rather than the present. Like my people pleasing. I now understand that my need to keep others happy was my childlike need to keep others happy with me. Which is part of my embedded trauma responses—to do whatever for whomever, to stay safe.
This desperation for safety is the current issue I am working through; my muddled need to be wanted by the same men I feel subconsciously unsafe around. It has become clear that when I see or interact with a man that triggers my stress signals, my system grips to the only way it felt safer growing up, which was “What can I do for you so you won’t hurt me?”
The More You Unpack Your Wounds, The More You Can Self-Soothe.
I spent my life expecting others to change so that I wouldn’t be set off by them. I expected everything and everyone outside of me to heal me. Obviously, that never happened. The world is a triggering place, especially for people with CPTSD. But my wounds are my wounds. I no longer expect others to stop provoking me. I knew that until I put in the daily work to “deal and heal,” I would stay stuck in my past circumstances.
Make the intention, create daily habits (or remove toxic ones), educate yourself, learn. A lot of my healing has come from my own explorations—online, from books, practices, etc. I am so grateful that the quantity and quality of self-help resources available have evolved so that people can actually help themselves. As cliché as it may sound, it really is true: The only one who can heal you is you.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Have you heard of CPTSD? Do you think you struggle with it? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form!
To learn more about PTSD and CPTSD check out PTSD UK
