So as of today, I am 4 days into my 30th year. Gosh, the thought of turning 30 has been panic-inducing. How did time fly so fast? It felt like only yesterday we were playing hide and seek in the dark. Or being proposed to in the morning of year 3, only to be divorced by the afternoon.
Birthdays were not a happy experience for me. From, I think, my 10th birthday on, I decided that I would never look forward to them again. And last year’s birthday was no different. I sat at the dining room table, broken, having ended an unhealthy “relationship” and felt completely worthless. I was tirelessly trying to make sense of why I wasn’t good enough for said person.
As we get older, the harsh reality that time isn’t stopping can shake us to our core. We take stock and fluster to figure out what needs to be done to get us to where and to who we want to be. But we need to recognise just how far we’ve come already. We deserve to give ourselves credit where credit is due.
Before Turning 30, Take A Step Back And (As Cliché As It Sounds) Reflect
I was one of those people who rolled their eyes at the look-inward approach. The mindset sayings, the heal yourself quotes—it all sounded cheesy and too easy. If those people knew how hard life was, they wouldn’t preach about how “easy” it is to change. But what I’ve come to realise is that, more often than not, these words of wisdom have come from those who have suffered. They too reached their breaking point, and because of their sheer will and determination, they’ve managed to claw their way out and pass on what they’ve learned.
I’m so grateful that these people and this kind of mentality exist. I feel like I have found my tribe. A way of living that I feel truly connected to. Healing is now my life. To continually reflect and grow, to become a better human being to myself and to those around me.
As I approached my 30th birthday, I wanted to be with myself and answer some deep questions to refresh my mind about the direction I wanted to go.
One Question Was “How Do I Define Failure?”
I assumed this would be an easy one to answer; I assumed wrong. When I stopped to truly think about how I defined failure, my mind went blank. I felt frustrated because I just couldn’t find the words. We deal with setbacks and challenges all the time as humans, so I thought I should be able to figure this one out, right? Then it clicked. To me, I didn’t feel my mistakes were failures until someone else thought so too. The swinging vote as to whether I was a failure or not was placed in the hands of everyone else, except me. This realisation made me feel sad. But I wasn’t shocked; if I’ve learned anything so far from looking inward, it is that I have been relying on the validation or criticism of those around me, never within me.
But I was also grateful to realise this. By bringing it into the light again, I peel back more layers as to how deep this need for others to tell me if I’m enough goes. So I can continue to override this core belief with a healthier image.
Remind Yourself Of Your Growth When Turning 30 (Or Any Age!)
The mind is complex and has so much power. Have you noticed how you can remember a past event and almost zone in on the emotional discomfort you may have felt without even meaning to? You’re effectively reliving it. This isn’t a great habit, but it did help remind me just how far I’ve come.
I remember how I used to be. The low moments just blanketed everything. I was stuck in a constant loop of replaying where I had gone wrong and how those decisions and actions caused me to see my entire existence as one giant, failing mess that I couldn’t see a way out of. Leaving me with a deep void of hopelessness.
Now, I still get the ups and downs that can come from unhelpful patterns, from replaying past memories and making assumptions to fearing the future, but I have been putting the effort in every day to unpack, work through, and build practices for myself. So that when I do experience these ebbs and flows, I know how to regulate myself. I can now understand how so many of my behaviours and beliefs were driven by deep-rooted trauma and not because of me just being me. I feel driven to not be trapped by the hand I was dealt but to keep moving forward.
You Don’t Have To Be Turning 30 To Change
Even if you’re not turning 30, reflecting on yourself and your life is something we should all be encouraged to do. Moment by moment, time is moving on. We are constantly changing. You are not the same person you were when you began reading this article, and I am not the same person I was when I started writing it.
There is a simple yet profound quote that helps remind me of how I want to be in this world, and I’ll leave you with it to hopefully inspire you to do the same.
“Be The Change You Wish To See In The World.”
How do you feel about your birthdays? Have you changed throughout the years? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment of just fill out a contact form!
