For a long time, feeling grateful seemed almost impossible for me. And I’m not talking about saying thank you or showing appreciation to others, but the deeper meaning of gratitude. To be truly thankful that I was “here.” It wasn’t until I started my healing journey that I was able to tap into the power of gratitude.
If you’ve experienced trauma, especially complex and/or chronic trauma, feeling grateful can be challenging. I spent a lot of formative years feeling broken, hurt, and angry. I couldn’t understand why I was being treated this way or what I had done to deserve such pain. At times desperately asking, “If there is a God, why is he not stopping this?!” “Why did he bring me here to just go through life like this?” and even pleading with him to take me from this.
Safe to say, waiting for things to be different wasn’t working.
So I stopped hoping for others to change and started changing myself. I stopped expecting others to heal me and started healing myself.
When we realise this, we start to shift. We start to let go of that passive mentality. Yes, what we’ve gone through was NOT our fault, but it is now OUR responsibility to choose how we want it to show up in our life. How do we want to be, for us?
So I opened myself up to anything and everything. Any knowledge or insight that could help me just move forward. That’s when I came across the power of gratitude. I started listening to podcasts and reading articles. Learning more about the benefits of gratitude started to make me think, perhaps I should add this into my routine.
Here are just a few positives that showed me the power of gratitude:
Helps us see the good in the bad
That’s not to invalidate the experiences we’ve gone through, not at all! But to help us make the best out of a bad situation. For me, I validate my trauma. It was painful, and I didn’t deserve any of it. But I also highlight that I am the person I am, with the heart I have today, because of each experience I’ve overcome. We all are.
Encourages us to have a more optimistic outlook
That’s not to mistake it with toxic positivity! Toxic positivity dissociates us from the not-so-happy moments that we all unavoidably go through. A common message a lot of us grow up with is “be grateful.”. But this is often paired with shame. I remember feeling ashamed whenever I was told, “You should be grateful you didn’t have my dad!” or “There are kids who don’t have what you have; you’re so ungrateful!” When toxic positivity is beaten into us, it will always do more harm than good. I ended up perfecting my smiley façade. Never showing the world my low or anxious moments, because it never felt safe to.
However, when we use the power of gratitude healthily, it can shift our mindset into one of hope and strength. The goal isn’t to slap a positive plaster on reality or disconnect from “negative” emotions but to remember the bigger picture. Yes, there are bad days, but there are also good days. We become more resilient because we get to remind ourselves that we do get through those bad days.
Helps us remember how fortunate we are
Again, this isn’t to shame us for feeling lack or noticing areas that we want to improve, but it reminds us of the parts of us and our life that we deserve to feel grateful for already. Yes, I want a flat stomach, but I’m also so grateful that I actually have an abled body. I would like to have fewer financial worries, but I’m also grateful that I still have enough to get by without having to make too many sacrifices. And I would love to have a home of my own, but I’m also grateful I have a warm house to come home to, where those I love are with me. And when I remember those less fortunate than me, I don’t feel critical of myself but relief and gratitude for my circumstances.
Here are some of the ways I practice the power of gratitude. Maybe they’ll help you too:
Add a gratitude writing practice into your routine
I journal my gratitude in the form of a “gratitude entry.” When I was in the early stages of my journey, I completed this every evening. Answering a range of reflective prompts and freewriting what I was grateful for in my day. I now complete this twice a week. Some questions that I’ve been answering recently:
What did I handle today?
What do I love about myself today?
What have I achieved today?
What am I grateful for today?
What makes these questions effective is the quality in which you answer, not the quantity. Each answer I give, I reflect on the why. Why do I feel grateful for x, y, or z?
Tap into the power of gratitude with meditation
When I feel the need to get in touch with the power of gratitude while calming my nervous system, I’ll sit for a meditation. This helps re-regulate me and bring to the forefront the positives in me and my life.
Reflect on setbacks and challenges
When something happens, I still feel triggered. But I also try to reflect on what good I can get from that situation or how I can do things differently next time. This helps me to see silver linings. Reminding myself that I wouldn’t have learnt those lessons or seen those perspectives if said situations hadn’t happened.
Carry out practical gratitude exercises
Showing gratitude doesn’t always have to be a sole practice, showing gratitude to others can be just as healing. Like smiling to a stranger and seeing their happily surprised expression. Or sending a text to someone I haven’t spoken to in a while, simply to show my love for them. These random acts of kindness can remind you that the world has a lot more goodness in it than some would have you believe, and you contributed to that.
Just remember, practicing gratitude is personal for each and everyone of us. Find what ways connect to you.
Do you practice gratitude? How do you practice it and why? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just reach out in the contact page!
To learn how gratitude can benefit us physically, check out 5 Health Benefits of Gratitude
