Have you ever noticed moments where you take things personally? Or Perhaps you’ve noticed a pattern of assuming the worst from people’s reactions? Well, you are definitely not alone. Since taking the time to reflect on myself, it has become painfully obvious that I was one of these people.
Consumed by needing to please everyone. Any action or comment that I perceived as negative, I took as a sign that they were unhappy with me. I must have done something to make me unworthy of them. Which really just highlighted what I thought of myself: unworthy and inferior to the world. As this belief festered, it grew into a distorted view of how I thought the world saw me as a whole.
So what could indicate you take things personally?
Surprisingly, it’s not just taking a comment or action the wrong way. Often, it’s much more psychologically complex than that. I’m an empath by nature. But I became an unhealthily sensitive and fragile soul.
I would find it impossible to let go
Of conversations, looks, tones—the list goes on. I would relentlessly analyse what that person meant, why they looked a certain way at me, and whether the way they spoke secretly meant something else.
I would worry that I had upset someone
And I would badger them for verbal confirmation that I hadn’t. I could hear how pestering I sounded. But I just couldn’t stop.
I would worry about how I was seen in every situation
Even just walking through a busy town, I would feel cripplingly self-conscious. In my mind, a spotlight was on me, and everyone was staring and judging. My shoulders curled in, and I just wanted to be invisible.
I never trusted people’s genuine connection with me
I felt so little about myself that I would always question and seek validation that people still approved of me. Even if I did get the answer I wanted, I still couldn’t believe it.
I often overreacted to any form of perceived criticism
Becoming excessively emotional, because I was reminded of how inadequate I believed I was.
I felt overly uncomfortable with any praise or compliment given to me
I would physically feel sick and dishonest. The guilt always caused me to reject or doubt people’s positive views of me. In my mind, it couldn’t be true.
That being said, when you take things personally, there are silver linings.
We become aware of our own insecurities. We discover areas where we are putting others ahead of ourselves. Unpacking this side of me has been eye-opening. I’ve been able to make better sense of the behavioural and mental toxicity that not only myself but many others engage in or enable, which has helped make me aware of what I need to change in order to heal.
Learning how not to take things personally is essential for all of us.
I think it’s impossible for us to never take things personally again because, at the end of the day, we are human. When we’re caught up in a trigger, self-awareness can take a backseat.
The key is to better identify when these moments happen, so we can mindfully refocus and decide better for ourselves. Over time, it will become more instinctual to love yourself than it is to take things personally.
Consider the following when you notice you’re taking something to heart:
When you take things personally, pause and reflect
Ask yourself, “What about this situation is making me believe it’s directed at me? Why?” This can help you detach enough to see if your belief is an assumption.
When we take things personally, more often than not, it stems from deeper issues
Make the effort to investigate those wounds. In doing so, any insecurities you may have can be addressed. Which increases the amount of self-awareness you have.
Build your self-worth
A lot of the time, when we take things personally, it’s because we’re actually mirroring back what we think about ourselves. Cultivating a genuine belief that we are worthy just as we are will reduce the impact that outside negativity has on our self-esteem.
Practice emotional acceptance
Learn how to sit with the feelings triggered and accept that they are here, but they will pass. When we change how we see them, our reactions can become opportunities.
Someone’s treatment of you says so much on them and nothing on you
Remember this! If the situation is directed at you, then this just highlights their wounds. What is going on with them to treat people the way they do? This can help you separate and realise that you know who you are, and whatever they’re projecting is something they need to deal with.
Please believe me when I say it is possible to heal. I’m doing it.
I still consider myself in the early stages of healing, but the work I have done so far has helped me become stronger and more resilient to the world around me. And even though there are moments when I feel myself starting to take things personally, I am much quicker at recognising them and steering myself back.
Just remember who you are, what you’re working towards, and be proud of that.
Have you struggled to not take things personally? Why? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form!
A blog by Karen Nimmo, lays out the tell-tale signs of someone who would often take things personally, and I displayed most of them.
Great read as usual. So I had two incidents today.
First my boss mentioned to me that something should have been done ages ago. I took it in good spirit and didn’t rise to it even though I had some valid responses. I even took it as it was possibly more of a dig at the previous accountants.
Then this evening whilst waiting for petrol behind a car filling up, the worker stuck a traffic between me and the car and said we’re closing for an hour. It was lucky my windows were closed as I was incandescent. He’d gathered all my rage and I took it personally. I was so upset with myself for the reaction especially after coming home and reading your blog. Just wish I could have more self control and not take things to heart. I try and say to myself don’t let something bother you today when in two days you know won’t be bothered by it. Thank you for always listening
Aw I totally get your frustration to still letting things get to you, even when you know it’s doing more harm than good. It’s that old saying “easier said than done” right.
Trust me, it’s not easy, especially when we’re people who have become so habitual in taking things to heart.
It’ll be like breaking a habit every day. But if you’re consistent and practical, with small changes you know you can stick to. It’ll start to take effect. And then one day, someone will act a certain way or say a certain thing, and It’ll just fly over your head inside of straight through.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
As always, I can be reached on insta too
Thank you for the inspiring words. I’ll try to come up with ways and thought processes to avoid it happening again. 👍
Just try not to be hard on yourself when it does happen again. Because we are human. That was initially where I was going wrong. I was trying to avoid it happening ever, and then when it did, I’d be so frustrated and critical with myself. Which actually makes things worse. Be patient and gentle with yourself