In the moments where you feel like you got this, self-doubt finds a way to creep in and derail you. It’s a sad yet scary feeling to never truly believe in yourself, and one I know only too well.
According to YPS Psychology, “It’s born out of our flight-or-fight response,” and seeing as I lived my former life on high alert, it makes sense that overwhelming self-doubt became one of the many consequences. For as long as I can remember, I never believed I was enough, and this lack of faith in myself consumed any worthiness that would try to plant itself in me.
Can Self-Doubt Actually Be Healthy?
Yes, because it’s actually a normal human experience. Being able to question yourself can actually drive you to explore new ideas and be open to views that may differ from your own. It can also help you reflect inwardly and develop greater humility, which can help you develop more compassion for the world around you.
But When Does Self-Doubt Become Unhealthy?
If your self-doubt is causing you to question who you are, your abilities, and your sense of worth, then it’s becoming toxic and needs to be addressed. Because, like a parasite, it will continue to grow from the behaviours and thoughts that feed it. So much of how I acted didn’t help me break this cycle; it only ensured it repeated.
I Was A Heavy Procrastinator
Tasks that overwhelmed me with anxiety were glazed over. I didn’t want to even start what I believed I would fail at anyway. But this only filled me with guilt and a greater fear of failing.
I Became A Serial Apologizer
I grew to think so little of myself that I began apologising for my mere presence.
Anything Less Than Perfect, Was Rubbish
This perfectionism seeped into even the tiniest, seemingly unimportant details, like how neat my writing was. I can’t tell you how many times I started again because the lines weren’t straight enough or my writing didn’t stay as neat; each ripped-out page just made me feel more of a failure than I already believed I was.
Constant Comparison Felt Like Constant Competition
I compared myself to every person I believed was better than me, and most of the time, that was everyone. I felt like I was competing against the world, and each realisation that that was and is an impossible feat made me feel like I was failing all over again.
I Rejected Any Compliments Because Of My Self-Doubt
Another big one for me. Hearing any kind words about me or to me caused me such discomfort that I would end up covering my ears, wanting the person to just stop. When I couldn’t stop them from praising me, I would always downplay my achievement. Each compliment made me feel like a fraud. I felt dishonest even when it was true. (This goes hand in hand with imposter syndrome.)
I Had A Constant Need For External Validation
Ironic, I know. For someone who rejected validation, I craved it just as much. I needed someone to counteract all the doubt and negativity I continued to feel about myself. Then, as I got it, my self-doubt caused me to reject it, keeping me in a push/pull effect.
I Took Criticism Deeply Personally
I didn’t have enough confidence to speak up, but whatever was said to me stuck. It would cut me to my core, and their words would hammer into me over and over again.
The list goes on, really.
How To Manage Self-Doubt?
Humans have innate and learned fears. There are ones that are hardwired into the brain and ones that are learned, and unhealthy self-doubt is learned. Which gives hope that it can be unlearned.
Here are a few ways I am challenging my inner critic…
We First Need To Change How We Greet Self-Doubt
Immediately putting up our defences when self-doubt appears only causes us to fear it more. Deep breathing and calmly acknowledging its presence can help lessen its immediate effect.
Whether It’s Negative Or Positive, Self-Talk Is Powerful
This includes your internal and external words. Reframe doubtful thoughts into empowering truths. Remind yourself of your strengths and be more compassionate in how you talk to yourself. If you notice you’re verbally doubting yourself, stop yourself and change what you’re saying to help you see that you have got this.
Celebrate Every Win, Even The “Small” Ones
Find small but mighty ways to give you a sense of achievement. So that when you complete a task, you can see it wasn’t as impossible as you once thought. I have a board of smart goals that I try my best to complete every day. Both big and small. Each one I complete, I tick, and each time I tick, I feel pride and belief in myself.
Tried And True
Mediation and journaling have been and continue to be transformative for me. The more I practice, the more I see my growth. Mediation has helped me to develop more awareness and resilience to my mind and whatever it wants to throw at me, including self-doubt.
Journaling has helped me dump out any doubtful thoughts so I don’t become entrapped in them. Even the act alone of writing them down allows me to separate enough from them to see that they are thoughts and not who I am. From there, I can read how untrue they really are.
Be Brave Enough To Leave Your Comfort Zone
When I feel self-doubt cause me to question my capabilities to speak up or try new things, that’s the very moment I try to push myself to do it. For example, I would never have thought I would have been good enough or brave enough to start this blog, but now I’m so glad I pushed through the fear.
And just remind yourself that you aren’t alone in your self-doubt. We are all learning to believe in ourselves more. Just remember,
You are more than your thoughts.
Do you and have you struggled with self-doubt? What has helped you? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out an contact form!
