Is self criticism something you struggle with too? You’re certainly not alone. Feeling insecure and questioning ourselves at some point or another is human nature. At times it can be good to be the right amount of hard on yourself. If you’ve made a mistake, try and rectify it. If you’ve genuinely hurt someone, try and acknowledge it. But sadly, so many of us are our own worst critic.
Harmful Self Criticism Is Learned
At our core, we are all worthy, simply because we exist. It’s the internal and external messages we take in that can either help this sense of worth flourish or unravel. For example, if you grew up in an environment that repeatedly diminished your innate worth, it’s inevitable that you’ll believe you are not enough.
Or perhaps you were raised to impossibly high standards. Continually aiming for unreachable heights only causes us to continually “fail.” This feeling of shame and inadequacy often follows us into adulthood and becomes such an embedded belief that harmful self criticism is just the norm.
Often, it isn’t until we engage in unhealthy behaviours that cause us such emotional distress that it becomes obvious of the damage our upbringing has done to us. From constant nit-picking of our flaws to excessively punishing ourselves for even minor mistakes (both of which I’m still guilty of at times). The “straw that broke the camel’s back” was when I began dating. Leading me to the painful wakeup I desperately needed.
Address Your Inner Critic
You can read the affirmations and watch the motivational videos, but until you make the genuine intention to go in and find out why your self criticism is so harsh, then these messages will have a hard time sticking. I get it; it can be unsettling and painful to look within ourselves. For so long, I avoided facing me. Until I finally realised that there is no workaround, no shortcut, and no alternative route to rewire this habit of being hard on yourself. Like the old saying goes, “the only way out is through.”
But there is a silver lining—many, actually! Re-regulation being one of the most powerful. This refers to the neurological and physiological re-regulation of the dysregulation our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can cause. Healing trauma continues to be a dysregulating journey, but re-regulation has helped lessen the turbulence.
When everything in you feels more regulated, strategies that you’ve been trying to put in place to break this harmful habit can make more of an impact.
Practices that have been transformative for me are found throughout this blog and on “my tools” page. Check them out and see if they can help you too.
It doesn’t happen overnight. Trust me, it’s a long process. One I’m still on and expect to be on for the rest of my life. But once you realise that it’s a waste of a life to be hard on yourself, you’re more willing to put the work in.
Do you struggle with an overpowering inner critic too? Do you know why? What helps you? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just reach out with a contact form!
Read how someone else has overcome their self criticism here! How I Transformed my Self-Criticism into Self-Love (psychcentral.com)
