Second-guessing yourself to some extent is actually healthy and helpful. If we never second-guessed our choices or our actions, we’d continue to choose and act in ways that could be hurtful, not only to us but to others too. If we never reflect on the direction we’re going, we could continue to go down a very wrong path.
But incessantly second-guessing yourself is not healthy or helpful. This level of self-doubt is deliberating (trust me). I want us to heal from it, for us.
Understand The Why Behind You Second-Guessing Yourself
Second-guessing yourself relentlessly is usually from a lack of self-trust, and this tends to come from experiences and events that didn’t teach you how to believe in yourself or knocked you down if you did. Trauma is deeply damaging in so many ways. The fear that metastasises from chronic trauma warps our belief in how worthy we are. When you truly think you are unworthy, the self-confidence that is supposed to be steadily growing as you grow never does. Then, when you venture into the big, wide world, you bring that lack of self-trust with you.
If you too have been second-guessing yourself like this, I get it. This was and still is at times, me too. But there’s hope, I promise you. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t be this one-off magical moment. However, if you’re willing to do the work, you’ll eventually be able to notice this self-doubt, wade it out, and still choose better for you.
The Following Can Help Override This Draining Habit
Write
There are so many writing practices that can truly help us make sense of why we are the way we are, including why we second guess ourselves so much. From shadow work to neurocycling.
Learn To Accept That Not Every Decision Will Be The Right Decision, And Decide Anyway
Not having the certainty that the choice you’re making is the right choice can keep you second-guessing yourself. But learning to accept this truth is necessary to start making these decisions, regardless. I know how tough this can be. Whenever I had to make a decision, even one as small as which parking spot to use, the fear crippled me. It had to be the right spot.
Reframe “Failure” When Second Guessing Yourself
So many of us were punished when we failed, causing us to fear failure, despite it being an unavoidable part of life. We will make mistakes; that makes us human. It’s how we see these mistakes that will determine how they will impact us. We can feed the self-doubt by berating ourselves for our choices or find the lessons within them. For example, I beat myself up for the unhealthy relationships I chose instead of granting myself compassion for the place I was in. I still feel pain, but I’m also grateful I now know better.
Mindfulness And Meditation
Yep, these had to be on the list—my tried and true lifelines! These mindful practices continue to help me heal, so I can stop second-guessing myself as much. The more you develop awareness and resilience to your mind, the more you’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at you, even self-doubt.
I’ll end with this quote that hits home for why so many of us second guess ourselves…
“Sometimes you second guess yourself, because you were taught that it was your job to be responsible for how others would react to your choices.”
Have you unfairly doubted yourself too? What helps your overcome your second-guessing? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or reach out on the contact page!
More advice on how to heal your self doubt can be found 10 Tips to Overcome Self-Doubt – Eugene Therapy
