So many of us base our worth on our weight and appearance. This almost universal dilemma results in us feeling insecure.
How often do you catch a glimpse of yourself and immediately zone in on an “imperfection”? Instead of taking in the whole, innately beautiful picture? If you’re anything like me, then it’s often, very often. It’s exhausting fixating on what we don’t like about ourselves. And it’s frustrating that when people say to us, “Just love yourself,” we find it almost impossible. Why can’t we just accept and love our bodies right here, right now? If only it was that simple.
What Can Contribute To Us Feeling Insecure?
Anything from external influences such as cultural upbringings and adverse life experiences to internal roadblocks like self-hatred. Plus, it doesn’t help that we live in a society where the “standard” for what makes a woman attractive is distorted.
I do believe we are more susceptible to these factors when our self-identity is still forming. If we’re consistently made to feel as if we’re not enough, we start to look for reasons why. “Why are we not enough?”, “What is it about us that deems us unworthy?”
My Earliest Memory Of Truly Feeling Insecure About My Body Was When I Was About 10 Years Old.
I was trying on a pair of jeans in a clothes store with my mum, and I couldn’t fit. I had to then try on a pair for ages 11 to 12 – I felt heartbreakingly fat. Then fear came over me: “What will I do if I keep getting bigger?”. It’s such a sad realisation that feeling insecure can start at such a young age for girls and boys.
From that moment on, I continued to struggle with feeling insecure in my skin. I remember being at my heaviest and just feeling disgusted with myself—not just at my weight, but at me. There were times I’d be on those escalators in shopping centres that had mirrors alongside them, and I’d have to look away or close my eyes. I felt such shame, not only at how I looked but also at believing others on the escalator were just as disgusted with me too.
Then, when I lost all my weight, I became so dependent on the affection and attention from others that I subconsciously made the connection that I must only be worthy of the world if I looked a certain way. This rigid and unhealthy mentality left no wiggle room for fluctuations. Then, when the inevitable happened and I began to put weight back on, the self-hatred that was there all along seeped back in.
If You’re Feeling Insecure About Your Body Too, Try These Practices
Unpack Where Feeling Insecure About Your Body Is Coming From.
Sometimes we don’t want to admit that so much of our value is tied to how we look. Or how good we feel can be so dependent on the number on the scale or the size of clothing we wear. But until we become honest with ourselves and our insecurities, we won’t be able to change our relationship with them.
What I’ve come to discover is that feeling “fat” isn’t actually a feeling at all. There’s often deeper emotion behind an insecurity. And this wound is the one that needs our love and attention.
Practice Self-Compassion
You know, when you’re with someone you care about and they’re putting themselves down, you stop them and say, “Hey, come on, don’t talk to yourself like that.” We need to apply this to ourselves. Practice talking to yourself the way you would to them, with the same tone and language. You may not think your subconscious is paying attention, but trust me, it is. So become aware and disrupt the critical voice inside as often as you can. When you notice you’re talking to yourself harshly about how you look, recognise it and explain to yourself why you don’t do that anymore.
Remind Yourself Of What Your Body Can Do
If we spent as much time giving our body credit for what it can do as we did picking it apart, we’d be reminded of how epic it already is. For example, when I’m out walking, I genuinely take in how blessed I am that I’m able to walk. Or when I’m staring at my stomach in the mirror, I stop and realise that inside “there” is everything that keeps me alive. My body is protecting it all.
Become Mindful Of The Content You Consume
Yes, I do think building self-love for your body is an inside job. But also feed your mind with messages that actually make you feel good about yourself. I unfollowed accounts and content that projected an unattainable ideal of what I “should” look like, because it was like rubbing salt water into a wound.
Choose Health Over Appearance
I’m not going to lie; I like pampering myself, doing my makeup, and having a style. But changing my mentality from losing weight to look attractive for others to wanting to be healthier for myself helps me remember why health over appearance is more important.
Feeling Insecure Is More Common Than We Think
Feeling insecure is human. This can help shift our goal from suppression to acceptance. We all feel insecure about our bodies at some point or another, but reminding ourselves that feelings are not facts can help take the sting out of this emotion and encourage us to let it be with less fear and judgement.
I’m still a way off loving my body unconditionally, but I’m becoming more content with her. I remind myself that someone is not deemed attractive by their “flawless” complexion or their flat stomach, but by their heart and their soul. When all is said and done, our bodies are ever-changing; how we treat others and how we show up in the world is where the true beauty lies.
Have you ever felt insecure about your body? How are working through it? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form!
For more tips on how to build a positive body image, check out 10 Ways to Practice Body Positivity – Well Being Trust
