Gosh, how has a year passed already?
How have I been without you for a whole year?
It’s strange—the void seems to grow the longer I’ve been without you. I see your little face everywhere: peering at me around every corner, or sitting in the front passenger seat of my car. But almost instantly, I’m hit with the grief—the realisation that you’re not actually there. A bittersweet reminder that you’re with me… but you’re not.
I miss so much, my little love…
I miss your face.
I miss feeling your fur under my hand.
I miss seeing your face through the sitting room window as I pulled into the drive—or finding you waiting by the fence as I walked toward the garden.
I miss coming home after work and playing with you on the grass before I even stepped inside. No matter how tired I was, I’d forget it all the moment I saw you.
I miss seeing your excitement at the top of the kitchen stairs when you realised I was home.
I miss bringing your bed into the kitchen so you could sit with me while I ate.
I miss giving you your carrots.
I miss hearing your little run-up as you jumped on the bed.
I miss watching you wander over at 3am, just to check I was okay.
I miss walking through town together and feeling a little less lonely.
I miss sitting in coffee shops with you.
I miss how happy people would be after you stared them down just long enough to convince them to come over.
I miss sitting on the vine with you, for what seemed like hours.
I miss our drives—whether they were two minutes or twenty.
I miss seeing you bounce about.
I miss your kisses.
I miss our adventures.
I miss our hikes.
I miss how you helped me through the pain.
I miss how you helped me keep going.
I miss you.
At the moment, my soul still knows something is missing…
You.
And yet, deep down, I know you left at the right time. You stayed until you knew I’d be okay without you—whatever “okay” was. You just seemed to know: “Yep, I can go now.”
Your passing reminded me that none of us—animal or human—live forever, no matter how desperately we wish otherwise. There was always going to come a time when I’d have to live life without you.
And I’m trying my best to do just that.
