Why do we fear “negative emotions?”
It’s scary to let negative emotions in; I get it. If you’re like me, you’ve been engulfed by them in the past. I developed an deep fear of ever going back to that dark place. A place that is all too familiar for many of us. The moment I sensed any sort of anxiety or low mood, my hackles would go up, and I would be back in a state of fight or flight. The more I feared their existence, the more I felt the panic physically grow. I would feel palpitations, numbness in my arms, tightness in my chest, and a sickening pit in the top of my stomach.
I wonder if this is also stemming from an ancestral need to feel safe? We depict these emotions as a form of pain, and putting ourselves in harm’s way is unsafe. It really is a terrifying place to be because, unlike an external danger that you can run away from, it’s inside you.
Do we confuse normalcy with not feeling anything “bad?”
Not only had I built a wall up against any emotional discomfort, but I believed that the only way I could see myself as mentally well was to feel happy all the time. And if I did feel anything uncomfortable, then I wasn’t better. I had developed a resentment towards myself for failing to “fix” myself.
Coming to terms that “negative” emotions will always come, and, always go.
So how can we get to a place where we are no longer terrified at even the thought of feeling unhappy?
I’ve come to realise that it isn’t the painful emotion that worsens our suffering, but our resistance to that emotion. Giving so much energy to suppressing negativity only causes it to grip tighter and become more determined to be acknowledged. It’s like the “don’t think of a pink elephant” phrase. Trying to not think of this elephant only causes you to think of nothing BUT this elephant. These feelings will be heard, and it’s best to let them speak.
To be human, is to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’m also learning to understand that negative emotions are just as important as positive ones. They’re the Yin-Yang of our minds. Without knowing how these emotions feel in us, we wouldn’t be able to tell when we’re experiencing positive ones. One cannot reside without its counterpart.
The key is allowing. By honestly giving every painful emotion their space and knowing we can and will wade it out, we lessen their sting. But it’s important to understand that accepting the presence of these emotions does not mean we accept them as truth. We recognise them as a passing moment that will only flow through once allowed.
What tools can help us in allowing, and eventually accepting, all emotions?
I find mindfulness really useful when practicing emotional acceptance. Once I notice the emotion, I take a moment of stillness and breathe. I begin unpacking it and reminding myself that I’m ok, I am safe, and they will pass.
Not only this, but by no longer being afraid of the experience, I can step back and ask, what is this emotion trying to tell me? Sometimes they have a message for us. They bring to light the things in our lives and in us that need addressing. You can start to see them from an outsider’s point of view and become curious to what’s triggering them, how they make you feel physically, and what else is going on in you that you may need to work through.
When I do discover parts of me that need some TLC, I can remind myself that these moments of discomfort are actually blessings in disguise. They give me the opportunity to uncover hidden wounds that I can now start to process and heal.
Be patient, be gentle, with yourself.
At times, I do still notice resistance to inner discomfort, but now I consciously try to approach them from a more loving angle.
Have you struggled to allow negative emotions in? If so, why do you think that is? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form!
To learn more about the importance of negative emotions check out The Importance of “Negative” Emotions – Rachel Fintzy Woods
