Negative Thoughts. Why Do We Have To Have Them?
Ah, a question I have asked myself many a time. Why do we have to have negative thoughts at all? I would spend so much time physically agonising over their presence, hating them and myself for thinking of them in the first place. Why was I having them when no one else was? I looked at people around me, mistakenly thinking they never experienced negative thoughts; they were just unfairly happy all the time. But this was completely false. Everyone has negative thoughts.
This is inevitable and unavoidable because we are all human.
What Can Cause Negative Thoughts?
When trying to understand what triggered my negative thinking, I came across cognitive distortions. Biased patterns of thinking that cause us to stay stuck in negative thoughts and emotions. Which keep us stuck in a negative “reality.” We’ve all experienced cognitive distortions. However, there are some of us who have been or are stuck in this unhelpful pattern.
Our minds are plastic. Taking in the world around us and creating new mental connections or reaffirming old ones. When you have had no healthy example of how to acknowledge, process, and accept thoughts, it’s understandable that your way of thinking becomes unhealthy. I was a prime example of this.
Common Cognitive Distortions Include:
All-Or-Nothing
I believed I needed to be perfect in everything all the time, and I hated myself that I couldn’t be. There was no happy medium or acceptance of grey areas in my life. It was black and white, and that was it.
Overgeneralisation
When certain things happened or didn’t happen, I ended up generalising. I would tell myself things like, “This always happens” or “It’ll never happen.”
Filtering
Even when good things happened, I just couldn’t take them in. I could only ruminate on the negatives.
Discounting The Positives
Despite how many times I was told, or how many people told me, I couldn’t accept my good qualities. I genuinely couldn’t believe I had any.
Jumping To Conclusions
I believed people thought negatively about me; I was adamant this was what they were thinking. On top of this, I assumed everything would eventually turn out badly. Even when there were no signs to prove it.
Magnification Or Minimisation
I noticed I would exaggerate certain things so that people wouldn’t think I was childish for feeling a certain way. Or I would downplay a situation because, again, I didn’t want others to think I was finding something seemingly small as distressing.
“Should”
It is very true that we are our own worst critics, and I was. I was constantly putting myself down, always criticising what I “should” have done or said.
Unhelpful Labelling
I couldn’t see a mistake for what it was—simply a mistake. I would end up thinking I was worthless.
Personalisation Or Blame
I either ended up blaming myself for things that I had nothing to do with or I couldn’t take responsibility for my part in a situation.
Why Do We Resist Negative Thoughts?
I don’t think any of us actively seek negative thoughts; they are just a fact of life. This terrified me. Knowing that it was very probable that I would experience mental negativity again, and throughout the course of my life, was something I couldn’t bear.
Thus began the vicious and pointless cycle of resisting negative thinking. The moment I became aware of them, my ears pricked up like a deer hearing danger in the distance. Panic mode set in. I needed to shut them out or escape. I would find it hard to sit still, and my legs would physically feel the need to run. Clearly, my flight response was triggered. I tried to distract myself. The majority of the time in unhealthy ways.
But the more I repressed the thoughts and emotions, the louder they became. I was desperate to fight a battle I could never win. Like the saying goes, “what we resist, persists.”
Finally, I realised that I had to change my strategy. I had to approach my mind from a completely new angle.
Accept What Can’t Be Stopped
According to Your Time To Grow, “The average person has over 60,000 thoughts a day (according to Dr Fred Luskin at Stanford University). Of those 60,000, 90% of them are repetitive.”
Once we acknowledge and accept that thoughts will pop into our heads, whether we want them to or not, the anxiety felt from trying to resist them in the first place can pass. Then we can work on being proactive with the thought.
Become Mindful Of Those Negative Thoughts
Since adopting mindfulness and meditation, I have truly noticed a huge improvement in my ability to withstand negative thoughts and separate myself from rumination. Even though they can still trigger emotional discomfort, I don’t feel as entangled or overwhelmed by them.
Sometimes I will also use visualisation to help them move along. Say a negative thought is bringing on anxiety, I’ll take a deep breath in saying a soothing affirmation in my mind (such as “I am safe”). Then I’ll slowly breathe out, with control, imaging the thought and emotion leaving with the breath.
Write
The effects of journaling are amazing for many reasons. Writing down my thoughts helps me see them from a calmer perspective, allowing me to evaluate and dissect them. I peel back as many layers as I can to understand their drive, their roots, what emotions they trigger, and why.
Change Your Self-Talk
Self-talk is essential. And not just any self-talk, compassionate self-talk. I’ve completely changed what I say to myself and how I say it. Over time, I’ve been able to see how much we really listen. Regardless of whether we tell ourselves positive or negative things, our subconscious mind takes score.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Ask yourself if there’s truth to what you’re thinking. This helps me see when my past traumas and triggers are actually influencing my thoughts.
Change Those Negative Thoughts
I don’t block negative thoughts out and just replace them with something positive. I accept the thought and then see how I can interpret it in a more positive light. By doing this, I am still acknowledging the thought, but I am also shifting my mindset in the direction I want it to go.
With time and practice, these techniques can help you habitually change your mindset and your overall outlook on life. This doesn’t mean I’m still not challenged by negative thoughts, because, trust me, I am!
Though now I can notice the “small” but mighty moments, where I have overcome negativity.
Do you resist negative thinking? How do you manage your mind when it wanders? I’d love to hear your story! Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form.
