Sometimes, when I remember how my life was, I feel saddened at all I missed out on. All I could have done if only life had been kinder. But there came a point where I could no longer hold onto the loss of what could have been. I needed to start putting my mind, heart, and soul into what could be. I needed to let go of my past trauma.
If You Keep Holding On To What Was, You’ll Never Experience What Is.
It wasn’t until I took my healing seriously that I really got it. You can’t grow into a better you if you’re still holding on to the resentment that keeps you stuck.
Before this pin-drop moment, I held on to my hatred and anger towards those who had hurt me. I somehow felt that I needed to keep all that trauma at the forefront of my mind. If I didn’t forget, then neither would they. But actually, this unhealthy version of justice only hurt me.
And the thing is, as time goes on, memories can fog. Your mind can fill in the gaps, and you start reliving aspects of the trauma that may not have even happened.
Why Is It So Hard To Let Go Of Trauma.
If you’ve been holding on this trauma for so long, then that habitual way of thinking will take time and discomfort to unlearn. We try to stay in the known, because even though it’s exhausting and negative, it feels safe. We know what to expect. Breaking free of it pushes us into the unknown. A mindset we’ve not experienced before, and so it feels unsafe.
Even though continual rumination was breaking me down, I think part of me didn’t want to change. Each time, I put myself into depression by replaying my life. All the agonising moments. It was sickening and upsetting, but at the time, I couldn’t help myself. All I ever knew were my memories and the pain they brought.
Letting Go Of Trauma Is A Necessity Not a Luxury.
We need to come to terms with all that we’ve experienced and everything that goes with it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I know it’s scary, but remind yourself that this change is for you and you alone.
How To Let Go Of Past Trauma?
Gosh, where do I begin. I’ve been exploring all types of modalities and techniques. I’ve become open to the ideas of others. Eager to reflect on how I can utilise the information to become more whole and happy.
I do want to put it out there that every practice I talk about I’ve tried and has worked for me. This is the thing about healing and self-care; it’ll be different for everyone. What works for me may not work for another. It is trial-and-error until you find your fit.
Traditional Talk Therapy Was My Jumping-Off Point For Speaking Up About My Trauma.
Speaking out and having someone care helped me realise that the emotions I was feeling were valid. I had every right to feel the way I did. Unfortunately, during these years, I was still stuck in that victim mentality. I believed life had just dealt me a bad hand, and that was it.
It wasn’t until the past came crashing down on me, that I finally knew I could no longer carry the weight of it all. I needed to figure out how to start letting go. For that, I knew there was no other option than to face it fully and change how I saw it.
Commit.
I don’t think many realise that the saying “time heals all wounds” isn’t actually true. Yes, as time moves, the initial sting can die down. However, without actively using that time to work through those wounds, that pain will just erupt over and over again.
For me, time moved on. But I didn’t feel I was moving forward with it. Until I set this intention and truly committed to doing the work.
Mindfulness.
I began to gather self-awareness about my thoughts. I was able to separate myself from what was, to what was happening. Mindfulness helped ground me into a mindset where I could understand what I was feeling and why. Instead of being back in those experiences.
Meditation.
Meditation has helped me release painful emotions when they’ve entered my awareness during a practice. Over time, I’ve become more and more able to notice the pain and let it pass through. Now, even when I’m not formally mediating, my mind has grown and continues to grow more mindful. I can refocus my attention on the present instead of falling down the rabbit hole.
Visualisation.
Visualise with as much heart and vividness as possible. Really feel the image, where you have triumphed over the past. Or, it could be any image that dislodges you from what was. This keeps me empowered and focused on making that image a reality.
Acceptance.
This is a step that can’t be avoided. When I wished parts of the past could be undone, I just became more resentful, disappointed, and frustrated. I was trying to change the impossible. This is what we need to accept. The past, no matter how much we want otherwise, cannot be changed.
Acceptance doesn’t mean we excuse it. It means we acknowledge it as a part of our history, instead of ruminating on it. Ask yourself, how can you see the silver linings? How can you see that life happened the way it did to make you who you are today?
Now, I feel grateful for all that has happened to me. I have become the kind and compassionate soul I am because of it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Forgiveness And Self-Compassion.
Grant forgiveness—for others and for yourself. I know this is hard. Trust me, I know. Part of me didn’t want to forgive because it felt like they would be getting away with it. Part of me didn’t want to forgive myself because I felt I took so much lying down. But now I reframe it. I now know better; instead of, I should have known better. I’m gentle on myself. This has helped open my heart to being gentle with those who hurt me. I can step back, forgive, and let go.
Letting go of the past can’t be a task you undertake half-heartedly. If you want to truly move on, be ready to do the work.
But it is so worth it!
Do you find it hard to let go? Do agree that letting go is needed for healing? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form!
A Conscious Rethink also has some interesting ideas as to why we hold onto the past so much.
