People often ask me, “How are you happy all the time?” Little do they know, I am not. I chuckle inside slightly when they think I’m too happy, because they have no idea how much pain I have endured to become this optimistic and positive. Every single day when I wake up, I am fully aware that I will need to manage my mind. It takes a great deal of work to be this conscious and intentional with my mindset.
You Remember How Life Was And Know, That Was Not Living
I remember a life of silently rolling over and taking whatever the day was going to throw at me. I felt both exhausted and helpless at the same time. There were days I would literally force myself to go to sleep just to escape for a short while. I would plead, “Sleep Faith, just sleep,” hoping I would sleep forever.
I can’t explain how agonising the mental torment was. Enduring physical trauma was bad enough, but it was nothing compared to the emotional and psychological trauma I experienced on a regular basis. It was like a virus infecting every part of me. From my sense of self to believing I was invisible and unlovable.
29 Years Lost, But Not 29 Years More
Sometimes I feel sad at the years lost, being beaten down over and over again. But I also feel so fortunate to have gotten my wake-up call when I did, not 29 years later.
It did take an existential shock to my system to “reboot.” Everything short-circuited, and all went dark for what felt like a millisecond. As the power came back on, something seemed different. Like new circuitry had been installed, and I began to rebuild from the ground up.
I started working on myself. I had no expectations, no clear path ahead; I just started. Even though I wasn’t feeling very positive at the time, I continued to lay bricks, one on top of the other. As the walls started to form, I felt a little better here and there and had a better day now and again. Until I reached my current state of living.
How To Be Positive In A Not-So-Positive World?
Being positive is definitely not the same as being happy all the time. Oh no no no. You will still experience the ups and downs of life, even with a positive mindset. The difference is, that you’ll approach it with a positive mindset too.
This doesn’t mean you become naïve. You aren’t viewing the world through rose-coloured glasses, oblivious to life’s negativities.
You are more in an empowered, problem-solving mode. Seeing each obstacle as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow even more. You actively choose to see the good in the world, and yourself.
It’s Tough Work
I try to never sugar-coat how hard I have to work to think like this. I don’t want to give false hope that all you have to do is manifest and all will be well. Because that’s just not how it works, unfortunately. I’m not playing around when it comes to creating the life and the “me” I want.
I am willing to face the dark and painful past that was my life. I need to discover and understand the catalysts of my behavioural patterns and why I saw myself the way I did.
Developing Self-Awareness And Emotional Resiliency Is Key
Learning how to self-regulate is vital to maintaining a safe and manageable headspace when unpacking memories, especially painful ones. Because of these skills, I was able to find each tree and see each root for what they were, without drowning in the pain.
Self-Talk, Whether It’s Negative Or Positive, Will Stick
“We’re hardwired to remember negative experiences over positive ones.” It’s a primal need to feel safe. We’re repeatedly playing negative thoughts and feelings in our minds in the hopes of not repeating the same mistakes. But that actually becomes counterintuitive, because we end up getting stuck in that pessimistic frame of mind.
Breaking that cycle and filling your soul with positive self-talk is life-changing because it causes a ripple effect. As your loving self-talk continues, your self-love grows, which increases your self-confidence. You start choosing what is better for you, and so on.
Negativity Breeds Negativity
I remember how awful I used to talk to myself, and it was constant. I was supposed to be the one person that I could turn to when the world treated me badly, but I just replicated it. Now, I have nothing but compassion and understanding as to where that self-hatred came from. And gratitude, that I now see, I can change how I talk to myself.
Don’t give up on a positive future
You know that scene from Cast Away, when Tom Hanks’ character makes his raft to go home and gets caught up in a terrible storm whilst out at sea. He holds on for dear life but wakes up to the calming waves around him. This is me. I hold on. Every single time. And I want you to too.
This unwavering attitude to never give up has helped me become the brave, optimistic, “always happy” girl I am today.
This is something outsiders don’t always understand. I still feel every uncomfortable emotion, when a memory is triggered or my mind is trying to search for feelings it once knew so well. But because of my new mindset and all the practical, neuroplastic techniques I have developed, I handle each one differently. Despite the pain, I hold focus and calm my mind so that I can understand and learn from every emotional challenge.
So clear things up for each person that thinks I’m happy all the time; I am not.
But, I am always hopeful.
Do you have a positive mindset? Or could you benefit from embracing one? I’d love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form!
To learn more about the benefits of positivity whilst also knowing when it’s too much, check out Benefits of Positive Thinking for Body and Mind (verywellmind.com)
