There are still times I feel like I’m the only one who lacks faith in themselves. But it turns out, self-doubt is common—very common. Especially for those of us that have lived life on high alert. If you’re fight-or-flight response had to remain hypervigilant for so long, then it makes sense that overwhelming self-doubt becomes one of the many consequences.
Why Do I Doubt Myself At All?
Being willing to question yourself can actually be helpful. It shows you can reflect on your choices and actions and decide better if needed. Sometimes when I question myself, I explore new ideas and open myself up to perspectives that may differ from my own. Learning to embrace the views of others can help you become more compassionate to the world around you.
Sadly, if your self-doubt causes you to question who you are, your abilities, and your sense of worth, then it’s becoming hurtful. My self-doubt masked the self-hate that plagued through me, like a parasite. I fed both, with how I thought and how I acted. So much so that my patterns didn’t help break the cycle; they only ensured it repeated.
Self-Doubt Overlaps With Other Internal Wounds
Such as low self-worth, and these behaviours feed them all…
Procrastination
Unhealthy self-doubt can cause you to delay tasks that trigger it. I would get to the point that I didn’t even start things I assumed I would fail at anyway.
Serial Apologises
If you repeatedly say sorry, then self-doubt might be one of the contributors. I grew up thinking so little of myself that there are moments I still apologise for my mere presence.
Perfectionism
Self-doubt can cause you to need perfectionism in even the tiniest, seemingly unimportant details.
Comparisons Become Competitions
I would beat myself and my innate worth down by comparing myself to every person I believed was better than me (which was usually everyone). If you do this too, then eventually you’ll end up just competing against the world.
Rejecting Positivity, About You
If you struggle to take in or even hear praise, then you may doubt yourself too much. This is another big one for me. Hearing any kind words about me or to me would cause me such discomfort that sometimes I would cover my ears just to get them to stop. When I couldn’t stop someone from praising me, I would downplay their compliments.
Desperation For Validation
Ironic, I know. Many of us who fear validation can crave it just as much. I would doubt myself and then would need someone to soothe that wound. But then the self-doubt would cause me to reject it, keeping me in the toxic push/pull dynamic.
Taking Criticism Personally
Deep self-doubt can cause you to internalise everything. Whatever was said to me would stick.
The list goes on.
“I Doubt Myself, So How Do I Help Myself?”
As humans, we have both innate and learned fears. Ones that we’re born with (such as the fear of falling) and ones that develop from “life.” Harmful self-doubt is learned. Which gives hope that it can be unlearned.
Here are a few ways you can challenge excessive self-doubt. Over time, they’re helping me heal…
Greet Self-Doubt Differently
Immediately putting up our defences when self-doubt creeps in only causes us to fear it more. Deep breathing and calmly acknowledging its presence can help lessen its immediate impact.
Whether It’s Positive Self Talk, Or Negative, You’re Listening
Whether we’re aware of it or not, how we talk to ourselves affects us. Just little changes like reframing thoughts, reminding yourself of your strengths, and being more compassionate to yourself can help soothe and heal this wound.
Celebrate “Small” Wins
Both big and “small” achievements deserve your credit. Giving yourself that credit can help increase your sense of pride and self-belief.
Meditation And Mindfulness
Yep, these had to be on the list—my tried and true lifelines! These mindful practices continue to help me remain calm and heal. The more you develop awareness and resilience to your mind, the more you’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at you, even self-doubt.
Journaling
This practice, along with the above, helps dump out all the spiralling doubtful thoughts so you don’t become entrapped in them. Even the act of writing them down alone helps me separate enough from them so I can see them for what they are. They are thoughts, not truth.
Venture Out Of Your Comfort Zone
When self-doubt causes me to question my worth or stop me from trying new things, that’s the very moment I try to push myself to do it—like starting this blog or doing a photoshoot with my dog! Stepping into uncharted (but not dangerous) territory can help build your confidence and weaken the doubt you feel.
I know it’s hard to believe when self-doubt takes over but just remember;
“The same light you see around you, is also within you.”
Do you doubt yourself? How do you cope and remember your worth? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form!
more information about self doubt can be found here The Trap of Self-Doubt—And How to Overcome It (greggvanourek.com)
