Emotional acceptance. That concept can trigger some level of resistance. I get it. Allowing all emotions, including the painful ones, is a challenging task. Almost impossible at times. So how do we feel our feelings without drowning in them?
I too struggled with accepting my emotions, and still do at times. It is common for those of us who experienced ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) to never be taught how to greet our feelings with compassion. Any display of anything other than what was deemed acceptable was often met with a “harsh hand.” Because of this, we can develop an innate fear of our emotions.
Or we develop the impossible ideal that we should feel happy all the time, and anything different means something is wrong. However, negative feelings are just as important as positive ones. They’re the Yin-Yang of our minds. Without knowing how negative emotions feel in us, we wouldn’t be able to tell when we’re experiencing positive ones. One cannot reside without its counterpart.
I’ve also come to realise that it isn’t the painful emotion that worsens our suffering, but our resistance to that emotion. The moment I sensed any sort of anxiety or low emotion, my hackles would go up, and I would be back in a state of fight or flight. The more I feared their existence, the more I felt the panic physically grow. I would feel palpitations, numbness in my arms, tightness in my chest, and a sickening pit in the top of my stomach. I wonder if this is also stemming from an ancestral need to feel safe. We depict these emotions as a form of pain, and putting ourselves in harm’s way is unsafe. It really feels like a terrifying place to be because, unlike an external danger that you can run away from, it’s inside you.
But giving so much energy to suppressing “negativity” only causes it to grip tighter and become more determined to be acknowledged. It’s like the “don’t think of a pink elephant” phrase. Trying to not think of this elephant only causes you to think of nothing BUT this elephant. These feelings will be heard, and it’s better to let them speak.
Tips On How To Feel Your Feelings
So how to feel your feelings if you were never taught how? Below is how I started teaching myself;
Learn to give every emotion, even the painful ones, their space. Knowing we can and will wade them out, we lessen their sting. But it’s important to understand that accepting the presence of these emotions does not mean we accept them as truth. We recognise them as a passing moment that will only flow through once allowed. Mindfulness is essential when practicing emotional acceptance. Check out my blog post Practice Mindfulness: How To Reconnect To Your Inner Peace.
Once I notice an emotion, I become mindful. I allow the feeling to just be what it is. No more, no less; reminding myself that I am ok, I am safe, and this too shall pass.
Not only this, but by no longer being afraid of the experience, we can step back and ask, What is this emotion trying to tell us? Sometimes they have a message. It could be an appropriate response to a legitimate trigger. Or they bring to light things in our lives and in us that need addressing. They become an opportunity to self-reflect. You can begin to make sense of what’s triggering them, how they make you feel physically, and what else is going on in you that you may need to work through.
When I do discover parts of me that need some TLC, I can remind myself that these moments of discomfort are actually blessings in disguise. They uncover hidden wounds that I can now start to process and heal.
Even though I’ve been on this path of healing for a while now, there are still moments where I “resist” instead of “allow.” This is an inevitability we too have to accept because we’re human. We won’t catch ourselves every time. We will have moments where we’d rather not feel what we’re feeling. And we may even slip back into old patterns of distraction instead of facing our emotions (and I have!).
But that’s ok. Be patient with yourself. Because the key isn’t to never make mistakes, but to bring yourself back to a healthier path.
How Are You With Your Feelings? And Why Do You Think That Is? I’d Love To Hear Your Story. Leave A Comment Or Just Fill Out A Contact Form!
For tips on how to regulate your emotions check out “Why can’t I control my emotions?” 9 emotional regulation tips — Calm Blog
