Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who seems to always dampen your spark? Or perhaps you can feel the weight of their pessimism just from their tone or their presence. Since becoming adamant about seeing more good in the world, I’ve noticed more and more that there are souls who just don’t. So, how do we deal with toxic people?
Now, when I say “toxic people,” I say it with compassion. I don’t believe anyone is innately toxic or pessimistic. But I believe their toxic energy is seeping out of a wound or unhealthy pattern that they’re either unaware of or unwilling to face. *Have a read of this post by BetterUp, “Too toxic! How to spot the traits in yourself and others”, to become aware of the common traits of toxic people.
Until I began to make the conscious effort to change, I was one of the many people who remained ignorant to how much toxicity my thoughts, choices, and patterns were feeding back into me and thus rippling out to those around me. For so long, I didn’t want to open Pandora’s box. It terrified me. I didn’t think I’d be able to survive the excruciating tsunami of pain it contained. But I finally realised that until I did, the toxicity would continue to leak through.
What Shifted My Energy?
I didn’t open my box when I was ready. One struggle after another caused the box to burst open last year. But, thank goodness, it did. Because I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t. I would never have gotten the wakeup call I needed to finally know at my core, “Enough is enough.”
I certainly still have down days. And I still act in ways that, I can tell, are coming from a wounded place. But the key difference is that I can tell. With this awareness, I try to do my best to refocus and steer myself back to a healthier path.
How To Deal With Toxic People Relies On You Focusing On Your Energy Instead Of Theirs
But with this much effort going into healing, I fear that I won’t have enough strength to ward off the toxicity of others. Especially being a recovering fawner and people-pleaser, who is an empath to boot. It can be hard to block out or avoid any toxicity all of the time. And trying to control others only exhausts you. You really can’t change people who aren’t willing or ready to change for themselves. Remember, this world is not mine, or yours; but ours. This profound truth reminds me that each and every one of us has the right to live life however we choose to live it. That’s the blessing and curse of free will.
There are times I still slip up, I resentfully wish others weren’t as negative, or I wish others didn’t have to come in and rain on my healing parade. But then again, this would be trying to control the uncontrollable. So I shift my focus back onto myself.
Here Are Some Practices (That I Use), That Can Teach You How To Deal With Toxic People
Build Emotional Intelligence
By educating yourself on your emotions and sensations, you’ll be able to notice the shifts better and proactively protect your energy. Before I worked on my emotional intelligence, my feelings controlled me. Yes, I still feel anything and everything, like every other human, but now I can manage it better. And do what needs to be done to restore my inner sense of peace.
Boundaries
Learn how to deal with toxic people by keeping those who drain or darken your energy at a healthier distance. Boundaries are hard, especially if you’ve lived a life boundaryless like mine, but they are necessary. You’re not setting them out of resentment or anger, but out of love for yourself. If I feel guilty for setting a boundary, I gently remind myself, “There’s no need to feel guilty. You’re not doing this to hurt them, but to help you.” I’m still in the infant stage, but I’m getting there.
Mindfulness And Meditation Can Teach You How To Deal With Toxic People
These skills build awareness of your internal world and how the external world is affecting you. Mindfulness and meditation, along with deep reflective work, have truly helped improve my ability to observe myself and those around me. And choose better for me.
Visualisation
This is a newer practice I’ve added to my rituals. If you fully give into it and feel what you’re dreaming up, it’s powerful. Now if I feel my hope shaking from a negative seed planted, I visualise what I’m doing this all for, and my motivational battery charges back up.
Stay True To You
It can be easy to get sucked back into a pessimistic narrative, especially if you’re hearing, seeing, or feeling it from the world around you. But learn to stay true to yourself. When someone starts going on about how “oh, everyone’s life is like this” or “you can’t really change,” allow them their opinion, but don’t give up your values to agree with them. This was hard for me because the people-pleaser in me found it almost impossible to disagree. Now, I listen, but mindfully, I’m telling myself, “cool, you do you, boo, but Imma stick to me and keep going.”
So, whenever you’re wondering how to deal with toxic people, along with these practices, I leave you this quote by Gandi;
“I Will Not Allow Anyone To Walk In My Mind With Dirty Feet.”
Do You Notice The Effect Of Toxic People In Your Life? How Do You Protect Your Energy? I’d Love To Hear Your Story. Leave A Comment Or Just Fill Out A Contact Form!
The problem does not arise if someone else has also met toxic people; most of us interact with such people more and more often if we don’t run as fast as our legs can hold us. No one helps you if you don’t personally care for your mental and physical integrity.
You said that you feel compassion for such people, but you don’t have to feel anything because no matter what disorders they have, this is their way of life, and no one and nothing will be able to help them in any way.
The fact that you have become aware of all the evils of interacting with toxic people must trigger an internal alarm strong enough to cut the connection from the start and surround yourself with people like you, who inspire you, empower you, and charge you with positive energy.
Yep, surround yourself with right people