The world is a dysregulating place. This is a harsh truth that those of us with triggers can find almost impossible to accept. But until we start learning how to calm triggers, then it will always dysregulate us.
What Are Triggers?
Triggers are stimuli that cause more than just an emotion; they trigger a survival response. A habitual reaction where we’re no longer responding to the person or situation that triggered it in the present. Instead we’re flashing back to all the past painful experiences we connect them to. The key word here being “past.”
This is a common consequence for those that have gone through trauma, and even more so, prolonged trauma. Logically, we know those awful moments are over, but emotionally and physiologically, our bodies do not.
How Are Triggers Formed?
Traumatic experiences are remembered differently in the brain and body, and they are often much more intense than other memories. When trauma occurs, ” our brains tend to store the surrounding sensory stimuli” as well. So when we’re reminded of a traumatic memory, the brain and body reactivates the senses that were involved at the time.
Growing up feeling safe to unsafe in an instant (and being treated as such) caused my inner child to learn that if she had any chance of minimising that unpredictability, she had to do whatever was necessary to keep others happy and, more importantly, with her. Now, as an adult, when I notice men even from a distance, my body tends to constrict. Often starting a domino effect. My flight-or-fight response activates because it feels unsafe. Then, the subconscious urge to neutralise the “threat” kicks in. I can now recognise this trigger when that frantic drive to please reactivates.
Know The Difference Between Internal And External Triggers Before Learning How To Calm Triggers
Even though the two tend to go hand in hand, where an external trigger will ignite an internal trigger, there is a difference.
Internal triggers come from within us. From our mind and the thoughts, memories, or emotions it evokes. For example; feeling anxious induces me into a state of intense fear, flashing my body back to the terror I felt growing up. And, because of the thoughts and emotions that plagued my mind for so long, the act of thinking puts my nervous system into panic mode.
External triggers come from the world around us: people, places, smells, or situations. Something seemingly insignificant can be agonising for us. For example, I was around a new male colleague recently, and these interactions triggered my attachment wounds. Logically, I knew I was not in danger. However, this trigger (a man) caused my body such dysregulation, that I could feel my fawning-trauma response kicking in. I became hyper-focused on keeping myself safe, by hyper-focussing on him.
So, the external trigger is the match, and the internal trigger becomes the flame.
So, How To Calm Triggers Once You Know What They Are?
Knowing Is Half The battle
Understanding why you have a particular trigger can help validate why you react in a particular way. When you’ve experienced such pain to begin with, it’s understandable that unhealed traumas will hurt you.
Process, Process, Process
Time alone won’t heal all wounds. Without understanding our triggers and where they’ve stemmed from, they’ll just be a Pandora’s box of disproportionate reactions waiting to burst out. I’ve been doing this for a while through the practices discussed throughout articles on this blog, such as reflective journaling and shadow work. With time, you’ll be able to recognise when an overwhelming reaction is coming from a memory 11 years ago and not right now.
Learning How To Self-Regulate Will Teach You How To Calm Triggers
I won’t sugar-coat it; bringing these shadows into the light can feel intense and, at times, excruciating. So learning how to better regulate these emotions when they stir up can be one of your biggest lifelines. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to cope with my feelings until I made the conscious effort to learn self-regulation.
Not only does emotional regulation grant us more peace, but learning how to sit with our emotions and wade out the storm helps us make better, kinder choices. I can give myself crucial seconds to see what exactly is triggering me and why, instead of impulsively giving into the trigger. (Don’t be too hard on yourself if you do slip up at times; so do I; I just remember we’re still healing.)
Practices that build emotional regulation are included here.
I end with this quote to remind us why learning how to calm triggers is so important, not just for ourselves but for the world around us…
“If we do not heal what hurt us, we will bleed on people who did not cut us.”
Do you feel triggered? What helps you? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form and reach out!
Learn more about emotional triggers here Emotional Triggers: Why They Matter & How to Manage Them Effectively | Mindful Health Solutions
