Christmas. A time of year that is assumed around the world to be a joyous season, filled with merry and cheer. Yet this isn’t always the case for so many. Taking homelessness, loss, and other catastrophic events out of the equation, it can stir up painful feelings and memories and you can start to hate Christmas.
Which Caused Me To Hate Christmas.
I was one of those people. Riddled with anxiety in the lead-up to almost every happy occasion because it only reminded me of how unhappy I was. I attended the mandatory gatherings and “smiled” for the group shots, all the while wanting to escape. It was overwhelming, having to put on a brave face and pretend like all was well, secretly knowing they were nothing but lies.
Thus the spiral would begin: “What if people find out I’m lying, that I’m not ok. Then I have to explain what’s going on. Then I have to face them judging or misunderstanding me; they’ll think I’m selfish or ridiculous for feeling that way in the first place.” The thoughts and assumptions would go on and on.
During these socially packed moments, I’d look around at all the seemingly happy faces and feel abnormal and alone. “Why is everyone enjoying this time but me?” I felt defective. I just couldn’t feel or act happy, no matter how hard I tried. There were times I felt suffocated by anxiety and sadness, and having to force a smile or a bubbly disposition became mentally exhausting.
It’s Ok Not To Be Ok.
What I’m learning now is that, regardless of the reason or the season, triggers happen. It’s in these moments that we need to be the most gentle with ourselves. We tend to punish or scold ourselves when we feel unhappy, especially when we think we aren’t supposed to. But suppression only leads to exaggeration. Like I’ve said before, emotions and thoughts will be heard, and it’s best to let them speak.
Be Mindful, Not Mindless.
That being said, it’s just as important to not fall into the trap of letting everything continue to flood through; otherwise, you’ll end up drowning. We listen to that inner voice—not to dwell, but to understand. Mindful techniques like breathing exercises and compassionate self-talk really help calm my system down, so I can give my mind the space it needs while not letting it take over.
Our Blessings Can Help Us Hate Christmas Less.
Gosh, it’s a tough pill to swallow (and one I continue to work on fully ingesting it); life’s not perfect; it never has been, and it never will be. But this doesn’t make it any less worthwhile. It’s a choice to see the beauty in the brokenness, to accept the imperfections, and to still be willing to improve. If you are willing to work towards seeing life and yourself this way, you’re evolving.
Take a moment to remind yourself of your blessings, your silver linings, and your triumphs. The power of gratitude is a lot stronger than you think. If you are struggling right now and the thought of trying to see the good in the bad is almost impossible, remember that you are facing the day and getting through it however you can. This alone takes incredible strength (even if you don’t think it does). Be grateful for yourself.
This Christmas Is Different.
It is the first time I’m celebrating it as the person I am today, as are we all. We have never lived this Christmas, and although we may still have a long way to go,
Just look at how far we’ve come.
Do you struggle around this time of year? What helps you? Let me know in the comments or just fill out a contact form?
Fascinating and insightful as always. Christmas is always a time for reflection for me which is strange as I’ve not lost anyone who should be at the dinner table on Christmas Day. I fear this might be my mum’s last one so will try and create some memories. What I struggle with is new year or the January blues as they call it. I feel I’ve completely a year fairly unscathed and now I have to do it all over again. Once I’m into the swing of it I’m fine but I always welcome the new year with fear where I feel others look at it with hope and happiness. Just need to change my mindset and try a think more positively about everything and all think about all possibilities the year may hold. Anyway I wish you a happy Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. Ps thank you for the outlet to share my thoughts and discover new info and ideas
Thank you as always for taking the time to read. I’m glad you find this space helpful.
I think you have the right idea to try and enjoy the time you have with loved ones whilst you can.
Wish you a happy Christmas also and hopeful New Year.
P.s
I totally understand what you’re saying about the New Year. I am the same. I have struggled in the past with the new year terribly. Which is most likely what next week’s post will discuss. Stay tuned!