I always believed I wore my heart on my sleeve, loving with all I had. But turns out I didn’t trust as fully as I thought. It wasn’t until I looked within myself that I realised just how much distrust I had for the world around me. Then this question came to mind: Do we truly love if we don’t truly trust? From this, a fear washed over me. I didn’t want to go through life never experiencing the full spectrum of love, all because I found it hard to trust.
Learn why it is hard to trust
Understanding why we do the things we do, I believe, is the first step to rewriting any internal narrative. When we lay it all out on the table, we are able to make better sense of the experiences that led to the distrust we feel.
I took in the true magnitude of trauma I’ve experienced from those that I should have been able to trust unconditionally. The chronic lack of consistency and safety kept my mind and body in a hypervigilant state for so long. It’s no wonder; I now find it so hard to trust.
As children, we’re completely reliant on others to protect us and keep us safe. To give us the solid, safe, and secure foundations we need so we can fend for ourselves when the time comes. However, when our foundations are unstable, whatever structure we build thereafter will be vulnerable.
Once we’re aware of a problem, we can start to problem-solve
It became painfully clear where my inability to trust was tripping me up: relationships. Relationships at their core are built on trust. This trust is essential for us to feel safe. And feeling safe is one of the fundamental needs every human craves. Without it, we can end up crippled by fear and uncertainty. And a deep fear of getting hurt is one of the worries that has kept me at arm’s length from truly letting someone in. If, like me, you’re healing your inability to trust, the following practices can help soothe the discomfort you feel when this wound opens up.
These allow me to wade out the wave and choose better for me in the long run.
Self-regulation
I won’t sugar-coat it; working through why we find it hard to trust can feel intense and, at times, excruciating. So learning how to better regulate the thoughts and emotions triggered by distrust is key. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to cope until I made the conscious effort to learn self-regulation. Not only does self-regulation grant us more peace, but learning how to sit with our thoughts and feelings can help us make better, kinder choices for us and for those around us.
Become mindful When You Find It Hard To Trust
Since adopting mindfulness, my ability to withstand the negative thoughts of distrust has improved. Even though they still trigger emotional discomfort, I don’t feel as suffocated by them. I can better see whether the distrust I feel is warranted or stemming from an older issue.
Whether it’s negative or positive self-talk, we are listening
Whether we’re aware of it or not, how we talk to ourselves affects us. Just little changes like greeting our inner critic with kindness and compassion. Instead of scolding ourselves for this lack of trust, understand that there is a very valid reason behind it. One that deserves our love and understanding, instead of harsh words.
I’ve now found someone that sees me. That makes me feel safe, secure, and supported. I am determined to heal my inability to trust for me, and for him.
Have you also struggled with trusting others? What has helped you? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just reach out in the contact page!
For another interesting article discussing the importance of learning to trust, check out Learn to trust again – 1 Simple Step To Love Better
