Recently, I’ve been reminded how non-linear unlearning a core belief is. Especially such a wounded one as feeling unworthy. Just like our physical fitness, there are days you feel like exercising, and then there are days where you can’t think of anything worse. Working on our mental fitness is no different. The journey is often difficult. It requires us to show up each and every day with an unwavering commitment to ourselves, despite these ups and downs.
It’s Harder To Heal When We Don’t Think We Deserve To
Feeling unworthy is so much more common than I used to think—a sad yet ironically comforting truth. For so long, I felt alone and defective because I believed I was the only one who struggled with feeling unworthy. When I tried working on myself in the past, the motivational spark would soon fizzle out. Part of the reason was that, deep down, I still hated myself. I subconsciously believed I wasn’t worth healing. It took an internal wake-up call to see how much I had abandoned myself to realise I needed to actually love and value myself first for anything else in my life to change.
Why Is It So Hard To Stop Feeling Unworthy?
There are countless reasons why someone ends up feeling unworthy. From past rejections to societal ideals. For me and many others, trauma was the catalyst. If you’re repeatedly beaten down emotionally, psychologically, and/or physically, especially when your sense of self is still developing, it stands to reason that you start believing you are worthless. Because doing so is the only way your vulnerable child-like mind can make any sense as to why you are being treated in such a way.
With this mentality programmed into us, we often replicate that same treatment on ourselves and allow others to do the same. It’s this subconscious programming that makes self-worth one of the hardest things to build. Recognising that we are worthy and treating ourselves as such can feel unnatural. Almost wrong. But this is a sign that it needs to be done. Until I was willing to let in the “idea” that I’m already more than good enough for myself, as myself, I knew I would always attract people and situations that cemented this mistreatment of me too.
How Do You Start Building Your Worth?
This epiphany did not immediately change my habits, patterns, or beliefs—yet another “pill” that was hard to swallow. Life isn’t that easy.
Become Aware As To Why You’re Feeling Unworthy
I do believe you can’t change what you aren’t aware of. Which means you’ll most likely have to look within and find out where your self-defeating mindset stemmed from. I’ve been “peeling the onion” for a while now. It’s painful, but necessary. Check out my tools page, where I share what practices helped me do this.
Regulate Yourself
Looking into your wounds can be dysregulating for both your mind and body. So learning how to regulate is vital. Mindfulness, mediation, and somatic techniques are the common practices. I practice them daily, and I’m immensely grateful for how much they’ve helped me get to the place I am now. This can give you some insight into how to start adding mindfulness to your life.
Work On Your Mindset
Changing your mindset is not plain sailing—not at all. It is tough! It requires hard work, dedication, and perseverance. I spend every day challenging that wounded voice of unworthiness because I still have daily self-doubts and fears that cause me to second-guess myself, my progress, and my ability to become who I want to be.
But I believe when you connect to yourself on such a profound level as this, your mind has already shifted.
I know feeling unworthy is not something that will change overnight. A long and bumpy road lies ahead. But we must travel it all the same, because to it truly does start and end with you.
Do you or have you struggled with feeling unworthy? What’s helped you? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form!
If you’d like to learn more about where unworthiness stems from and how you can help yourself – check out this article by Gregg Vanourek, Breaking the “Trance of Unworthiness”
