Putting ourselves out there, not knowing what the end result will be, is often anxiety-inducing. So it’s no wonder I and so many others have found accepting uncertainty challenging.
Why do we struggle with accepting uncertainty?
It’s a primitive desire for the human mind to seek safety through certainty. This is why, back in caveman days, we formed tribes and scoped our surroundings in the wild for potential predators. We needed to clock where threats would be to give us the best possible chance of survival.
Despite no longer needing to prepare for sabre-toothed tigers, that evolutionary drive to know what’s coming next is still there. Unfortunately, though, this drive can become maladaptive.
For those of us that have gone through negative experiences, such as trauma, it is a common side effect have trouble with accepting uncertainty.
I spent most of my life trying to make everything uncertain; certain. Because it seemed to minimise my chances of pain (and even then that wasn’t always the case). I learnt to anticipate changes in tone, mood, expressions, anything that could indicate someone was going to hurt me.
Not only this, putting ourselves into unfamiliar territory can already feel scary, but more so if we’re having to be vulnerable in the process.
For me, I notice I fear uncertainty more when my heart is involved. Showing all of me to another puts me in a very exposed position, and past experiences have caused me to believe my whole self was broken and flawed. Now, even though I have many souls in my life that love and accept all of me, I still struggle at times, not knowing how my heart will be received.
This difficulty in accepting uncertainty can cause us to develop habits or patterns that only fuel our fear of the unknown.
The pitfalls of needing to be certain
Everything I’ve gone through has caused me to develop an intolerance to uncertainty. An intolerance that stopped me from truly being present and able to enjoy life. All the overthinking, worrying, and catastrophising I did in the hopes of calming the anxiety down only made matters worse. I didn’t feel calmer. Instead, I felt more stressed and more out of control. Stuck in a tug of war between wanting to move forward but too afraid to do just that. This fear exhausted me.
The truth is the only thing certain, is uncertainty
Thankfully, the more I work on myself, the more I see this truth as an avoidable fact of life. One that really does need to be accepted rather than feared. Because trying to protect ourselves from the unknown only reinforces the message that the unknown is dangerous.
Accepting uncertainty is hard work for me, but some of the following practices do help
Mindfulness and meditation
I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to cope with my feelings until I made the conscious effort to teach myself re-regulation through mindfulness and meditation. By learning how to regulate, we can start to give ourselves the crucial seconds we need to simmer back down from the anxiety that the unknown can trigger. (Don’t be too hard on yourself if you do slip up at times; so do I; I just remember we’re still healing.)
Self-talk
How we talk to ourselves does have an effect, whether we realise it or not. So being able to recognise when our fear of uncertainty is clouding our perception, thoughts, and beliefs is key. I still catch the wounded voice telling me that I won’t be safe, to not trust the future, or to not let my guard down. But the difference is I catch it. I then try to mindfully remind myself of the facts. No matter what the future brings, I will continue to be safe, worthy, loved, and enough. Knowing that regardless of the unknown, I will be okay allows me to follow paths I normally wouldn’t. Paths that can actually lead me to the future I want.
With time and practice, I hope it gets easier to change our mindset towards uncertainty. So we can be brave enough to venture into the unknown.
Have you struggled with not knowing the future? How do you embrace the unknown? I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment or just fill out a contact form!
For more tips on how to cope with uncertainty check out Seven Ways to Cope with Uncertainty
