It’s so common to feel insecure about one’s body at some point or another. But when this negative body image causes us to fixate on our “flaws,”, that is when this insecurity becomes damaging. I needed to write this post, not just for all of you but for me too.
When Did The Insecurity Start?
There are some of us, myself included, who will rip ourselves apart over these things. Whether that’s the fat on our stomachs or the marks on our faces.
My earliest memory of having a negative body image was when I was around ten. I was trying on a pair of jeans in a dressing room with my mum and they wouldn’t fit. I had to go up to ages eleven to twelve. In that moment, I felt overwhelming shock and defeat. The realisation that I couldn’t fit into jeans for my age caused me to say to my mum with such heartache, “I can’t believe I have to wear jeans for 12 year olds; I’m fat.” This, I think, was when the seed of insecurity was planted.
Factors That Can Contribute To A Negative Body Image
There are so many factors that contribute to why we believe we aren’t attractive or that we are flawed. It’s personal to each and every one of us. However, exploring these reasons can help us better understand where these insecurities came from, so that we can change how they play out in us.
Here, I believe, are a few common factors that contributed my negative body image; maybe you can relate.
Family
I’m not alone in that many of us have experienced teasing and comments from family members, and at the time, it didn’t really occur to us of the lasting effect it could cause. But enough observations and remarks will accumulate and eventually warp how we see ourselves, and it did with me. I don’t remember too much teasing until I began to put weight on. As kids, we’re so aware of those close to us. Continually taking stock of their words and their behaviours for approval and thus safety. We soon catch on to praises and criticisms, as well as what caused them. I began to feel shame the more my chubbiness was pointed out. I began to feel bad for the times I wanted more dessert.
Media
It’s no secret a lot of social media and media in general have bombarded us with images and ideals of what the “perfect” body should like. Over time, seeing the same “perfect” image made me more aware of the parts of me that were not. Pairing this with the low self-worth I had already, it then became a devaluing mix. I’d see the adoration these girls and women would get and think, “That’ll never be me.”
Culture
Media influences culture, and culture influences media. It can be a vicious cycle. We’re living in a culture where we still gush over the “flawless” image whilst judging its counterpart. We see men and women show interest in a particular ideal and overlook another. Yes, it’s true; we aren’t going to like everybody. But it is also true how much of an impact being repeatedly disregarded because of how you look can take an emotional toll. Maturing in this culture as an overweight girl, with the typical teen problems of acne and puberty, only continued to cement how inferior and ugly I believed I was.
Trauma
It wouldn’t be a post from me if I didn’t talk about the T word. Trauma is undeserving and profoundly damaging, with how we see ourselves internally and externally being one of the many consequences. This is because, as kids, we internalise neglect and abuse, as well as the emotions they trigger in us, as a reflection of us. It’s more bearable for our young minds than accepting that our loved ones, those that are supposed to accept and care for us unconditionally, are “dangerous.” Through this internalisation, we develop destructive coping mechanisms that impact our body image. For example, I learnt to objectify my body, constantly criticising it. I viewed it only through a shameful and negative lens.
Over time, these factors all contributed to me feeling disgusted with my body. And now having lost a lot of weight, I’ve become more terrified of ever feeling that way again.
You Deserve More Than A Negative Body Image
On my journey, I have now thankfully come to realise I deserve so much more from myself. It is not my fault I came to feel insecure about my body, but it is also my responsibility to heal it.
I want to feel secure in my skin, regardless of the fat on my stomach, the shape of my breasts, or the marks on my face. To know at my core I am completely enough, simply because I exist. I no longer want to walk through life thinking the whole world is looking down on me because of how “imperfect” I am.
I hold hope and trust that, if I continue on my healing path, regardless of the ups and downs I face, I will get there. We all will.
Have you struggled with body insecurity too? What’s helped you? I’d love to hear your story. Reach out in the comments or just fill out a contact form!
Advice on HOW to heal a negative body image, can be found here 5 Strategies For Overcoming Negative Body Image – Project HEAL (theprojectheal.org)
